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Friends or Frenemies, 12 Ways You Can Spot Them!



We are the generation that considers everyone as our friend, but the important question here is: do the people you consider your friend consider you their friend too !? This is so much important to understand. When someone’s your straight up enemy, they are easy to categorise / recognise. You just avoid them. When they are part friend and part enemy, they work their way into your life and become impossible to ignore. Thus, they exert their negative influence on you repeatedly. Get rid of your frenemies with haste.


But, often times you don’t even recognize ’em, for they can be wolves in sheep’s clothing.

In any world- business, relationships, jobs, apprentice-ships or any other day to day situation, we cannot escape the fact that having a friend around, does make things a lot easier. In a world where we are stuck with self-doubt and when trusting people seems like an alien emotion, there is a part in all of us that wants to be better aware of who we can have a chat of confidence with. The world is tricky and so can be the people we meet. Ever wondered why you had that nervous chatter about your entire childhood with someone you just met, been through an ugly office politics scenario where your light conversation was turned against you or are you simply tired of regretting your no-filter self at an office / home party? Here’s is what the real catch is- frenemies. The people who merge the terms of friends and enemies seamlessly as per their need and convenience.


If you are wondering why ‘coping with people’ is becoming an issue or why you just can’t seem to understand why someone constantly wants to know what you are up to or why someone is constantly picking up at you for no reason, you are indeed dealing with a frenemy, read on to know how to recognise one.


1. Compete Without Reason: 

Frenemies often find a way to compete with you even when there is no need to. This can include buying assets/things you have, being a copycat, trying to one-up you in conversations or simply adopting to a life style which is pretty similar to yours. If you are seeing someone who is looking for ways to compete with you without any reason, stay a safe distance away.


 2. Immediate Connect:

Frenemies thrive on social atmosphere and even though we believe in instant connection, it is suspicious if the frenemy can be best friend with the entire group in a few meetings. Lookout for needless questions in light conversations and you can spot a frenemy without a doubt!


 3. Showing Contrary Emotions:

Frenemies, in a sense, depict their emotions on a heightened level but often you will find that they use sarcasm where they need to show empathy, anger where they need to show indifference and likeness where they need to show ignorance. These frenemies will subtly cut you down in public and always take jokes too far at your expense. This includes passive aggression and the need to constantly be proven right in a situation that is not confrontational otherwise.


4. Everything is Always About Them:

A frenemy is usually a ego-centric & self-serving person and most of the conversations always revolve around them. In that case you are dealing with a Narcissistic Nat, so to speak, someone who can endlessly talk about themselves and their life and blah blah, but gives no attention and time to you and yours.


5. They Don’t Celebrate Your Wins:

Well a real and genuine friend is excited when you achieve something in life, when you get promotion or start your own business/a new job or buy that dream luxury car for example. If they don’t seem genuinely happy for you or minimising or devaluing your accomplishments, well that’s a sign!


6. The Love Affair with Gossip:

If you are in touch with someone who is constantly talking about what some one’s new acquisition is and how some person you know only by name has no sense how to dress, its time you look close at your friend. Many a times, frenemies have massive load of information due to their curious and gossip side and hence they jumble up important and unimportant information in a bid to sound impressive. Steer clear of these people since they are clearly frenemies of the people they know and hence they have no new intention towards you too.


7. The Dirt Diggers:

Its amazing how many people who don’t even know you well enough and whose lives you don’t affect, are looking forwards to your failures. Frenemies make these failures come to fruition and are often known to dig out harmful information or simply use a piece of information to make someone fall down/look bad, when they know they can't one-up with them in a fair way. If you are with someone who has the ‘dirt’ about a hoard of people, run away since you will be the next one!


8. Trying to Justify Their Action:

This is probably a classic. A frenemy will justify their harsh actions towards someone and make it sound like it was with a good intention. This includes putting someone down and telling people that they did something so that the other person will learn to fight or stand for him/her-self. It is uncannily one of easiest things we overlook and one which not just encourages bullying (well, that’s what it is called) but also the idea of making someone fail.


9. No Apologies:

More often than not, frenemies rarely apologise. They are known to intentionally cause harm and if you have someone around who never truly apologises or apologises only for the effect of gaining benefit from you, it’s time you look close at your friend, oh wait, I meant a frenemy!


10. One-way Trust:

Frenemies are known to gain the trust of the people around them but show no intention of sharing personal information about themselves. This comes from a place of fear since they expect the other person to use their information in the same way. You can try to chat up with a person and see if they respond on a human level. If they don’t’ have time for any real conversation, it might be time to keep a safe distance away.


11. The Added Intrusion:

A good friend will always know when to give you space. If you are with someone who constantly needs to know as to what and how you are doing in life, you are looking at someone who may be a frenemy. They will often want information about you that can be spiced up and used for your bad later. A good way of testing this is making sure they know that you are busy for a few days and seeing if they understand your personal space.


12. They Know When to Time Their Sabotages:

People without integrity rarely make good friends and this is what makes frenemies so evident in a sea of people. If you see someone who has successfully managed to leave their moral compass at home and is judging someone else for their actions while still staying ‘friends’ with them, its time you leave a goodbye note to this person. If someone can talk about others to you, then, they will also talk about you to other people. It’s that simple. Frenemies also know when to time their attacks hence you will often hear them talking about how “co-incidentally” they managed to take someone down.


If you are wondering why your life has become less productive and you are now filled with anger and hatred for people who you don’t even know well, make sure you are not getting frazzled by the information and energy of the frenemies in your environment. There is something insanely unrealistic about the world we live in real life- where things have more importance, people have become secondary and so have friendship, relationship, ethics and integrity. !!

If you know someone who can use this article, make sure you share this article with a friend indeed!


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